Mental health issues are a constant challenge in young adults today. Learning to parent Millennials with Mental Health issues without support can be daunting. The good news is that Millennials do really well working with a life coach to deal with mental health challenges alongside medical professionals. This may be due to the fact that life coaching is action-based vs. talk-therapy. Most Millennials are the kings and queens of shining on boomers and gen-x-ers who are hired to use talk therapy to help them with their problems. To quote one of my clients: “I’m tired of talking to people who tell me they know what I’m going through because they read about it in a book”.
I have found therapists do amazing, successful work with many young adults but for Millennials that do not seem to resonate with therapy, life coaching can be life-changing.
So, my client and I start to work. We establish what their goals are, the challenges to those goals and the first signposts of success. We start a daily routine and after a few weeks, it begins to work and for the first time in a long time, they start to have micro-successes and start to believe in themselves based on successful actions they have made happen.
This mentoring system is all about having a safe place to self-reflect free from the regular circle of friends and family for two hours a week, as well as working on the tasks the client has chosen on their own. What do the parents do to make sense of what is going in their child’s lives and join in the work of moving forward?
Let’s backtrack. When someone asks me to mentor a young adult dealing with mental health issues, it is often after the proverbial poop has hit the fan and there has been a major episode that required professional care. This can be traumatic for the entire family and often leads the parents feeling lost as to what to say; what not to say; how to act; and how to give their child space when the parents are so fearful of things going south again.
This is why I have begun a series of online workshops to help parents learn new ways to help their children dealing with mental health. These are the outlines notes of those workshops. Our first topic is communication and understanding.
A great line that a parent said to me recently about her frustrations with her daughter who had recently been diagnosed with bi-polar disorder. She said that her husband had said: “Your problem is you try to make her be like you!”. I told this mom, that I would put it differently: When you see someone you love suffering and you know that if they could only do “x” they wouldn’t be suffering and you know that you would definitely do “x” because that is what you do in your life, when poop hits the fan for you, you are simply seeing the one you love through your own personal lens.
That doesn’t mean you are trying to make her be you. You are simply trying to resolve things from your personal lens. Parents are often trying to solve their children’s issues from their own personal lense.
In my client’s situation, the roller-coaster of emotions she had been feeling for the past few years kept growing and growing taking over all the things the she used to do to feel great about herself until she couldn’t do them anymore. The mom had to learn the her daughter needed to now understand how the bi-polar issues had affected her and rebuild an inner trust in herself so that she could find her own personal greatness again. Possibly becoming something even better and more profound for having owned and risen above these emotional/chemical challenges.
This gave her mom a new lens to look through.
Communicating with a Millennial Dealing with Mental Health Issues
I always say, if you want to get something… give it. Want to be loved? Love unconditionally. Want to be appreciated? Give earnest praise.
Want to be heard? Learn to listen. Really listen.
What is real listening? It requires biting your tongue. Not jumping in when your child shares how they perceive life, their problems, their solutions. Don’t be an inquisitor. Don’t be an ostrich. Be a talk show host.
Johnny Carson was amazing at letting people feel at ease (when he wished to) and getting them to open up and share. It didn’t have to be meaningful; it just had to be communication.
Be there to let your child teach you about them. How they see the world. How they cope. Be truly interested in the process without figuring it out for them.
This begins the start of a new relationship.
You may have noticed we haven’t talked about “fixing them”. That isn’t our job. That is them and for the medical professionals to do and if you get the right ones, they are an amazing group of people, who often are under-appreciated. The psych nurses, psychiatrists, psychologists, therapists, all those who help people with mental health issues should have their own day of being recognized and celebrated each and every year.
Our job is to champion these Millennials on their new path towards a good life. Trust that it is possible. Find a life coach or mentor who will understand them and help guide them while helping you learn to be a part of the team.
It really does take a village.
Share your challenges.
Support other families dealing with these issues.
That, to me, is communal love and can be the first step in healing and growing together.